


what's the right way?

by WhiteJackal



Series: rule!63 literati [3]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M, Gen, Literati (Gilmore Girls), Post-Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life, Rule 63, Unplanned Pregnancy, and in which i fix the shithole created by asp in ayitl, genderbent gilmore girls, in which jess is there for rory, quickie into feels land, rory and baby, rule 63 literati, single dad rory, surrogate mom jess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-30 16:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10167434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteJackal/pseuds/WhiteJackal
Summary: nobody expected rory gilmore to parent a child alone. thankfully, that's not going to happen.OR, how jess mariano becomes the wife and mother both rory and his daughter need without ever planning on doing it.





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> "lorelai had gone to call the grandmother, luke had gone for food, and logan was about to be gone for good. there was nobody else. besides, there was nowhere outside the hospital jess needed to be, but she could see from rory’s gaze that he needed her. and she couldn’t ignore that; she never could ignore that..."
> 
> post 'gilmore girls: a year in the life.'

“She’s tiny.”

“Yeah… The doctor said that’s pretty normal. You know, with her being born so early and everything.”

They stood at the window together. A thick pane of glass separated them from all the babies in the nursery. There’d been a lot of those chime things while Jess waited in the lobby, so she wasn’t surprised to see at least eight squishy, red newborns. The nurse put the Gilmore kid in the crib near the front when she saw Rory come up, still half-wearing the scrubs from the delivery room. It was quiet in the hospital, given that it was the middle of the night, and Jess and Rory were the only two staring at the infants.

“Is she gonna sleep in there?”

Rory didn’t answer for a long time – such a long time, in fact, that Jess looked over at him, tearing her gaze from the sleeping infant for the first time since she’d seen little Lorelai. Rory’s blue eyes were rimmed in red, and he was worrying his bottom lip. His arms were crossed over his chest, but he was tapping his fingers against his scrub sleeve rapidly. His right knee bobbed back and forth, and he swallowed several times, each gulp appearing to be a massive effort.

“… Rory?”

“I don’t know,” he said, finally responding to her earlier question. His voice was strained and high-pitched, sounding barely like him at all. “I… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I mean, do I _get_ to stay in a hospital room? Logan’s moved out of the delivery room into a regular recovery room, and the kid and I aren’t going with her… But it’s not like I _need_ a hospital room. I mean, _I_ didn’t do anything to deserve a hospital bed, right?”

“You got a newborn baby to look after,” Jess responded quietly. She could see and hear the panic in his words and eyes, and she tried to soothe him with her calm voice. “The hospital knows the situation. They’ll help you out.”

Rory laughed, but it wasn’t an _amused_ laugh.

“What?”

“I just… _Dammit_ , I never thought I’d be doing this… like _this_. I didn’t want a ‘situation’ when I had a kid. I wanted it to be… _right_ , you know?”

“What’s the ‘right’ way?”

“Well, me and the kid’s mom being _together_ would be the first thing. And the mother sticking around after labor. _And_ the mother not being engaged to somebody else. And that ‘somebody else’ not flying in from Paris to pick up my kid’s mother tomorrow to take her back to manors and teas and white dresses with tacky veils. Maybe all of that might combine to make the ‘right way.’”

Rory finally took a breath. It was shaky, and there were tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Jess moved a little closer. She looked at the newest Gilmore girl once again.

“… The veil’s tacky?”

“Probably not. I’m just being a dick.”

“Understandable.”

“No, it’s not. I knew what I was getting into with all this. I can’t act like I’m all hurt and surprised and regretful now. It’s a bit late.”

“… Okay.”

They stood in silence for a bit longer.

“You don’t have to keep waiting around,” Rory said, but his eyes begged different words. “It’s fine if you want to go home. You’ve been here for…” Rory looked behind him at the clock on the wall, and his tired, desperate eyes widened. “… _eleven_ hours.”

Lorelai had gone to call the grandmother, Luke had gone for food, and Logan was about to be gone for good. There was nobody else. Besides, there was nowhere outside the hospital Jess _needed_ to be, but she could see from Rory’s gaze that _he_ needed her. And she couldn’t ignore that; she never could ignore that.

She shrugged, and she smiled a little – that half kind of thing that was reminiscent of those early days, when they were young and in love and scared of less scary things. “Let’s make it an even fifteen. Then I’ll go for coffee.”


	2. Day 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "'you can call and check on us sometimes,' he wanted to say. 'you can come and visit and make sure we’re happy. this doesn’t have to be the last time you see us. please don’t let it be the last time you see us.' but he didn’t say any of that. he just… couldn’t. it didn’t seem right to say. they didn’t seem like things to beg someone to do for their kid and the father of their child. and if it didn’t seem right, rory couldn’t do it. he wanted to do this (everything) the right way from now on – even this thing that sucked and ached and hurt like hell and scared him shitless..." 
> 
> post 'gilmore girls: a year in the life'

The room was completely silent when Rory walked in. There weren’t any machines going, and the TV was turned off. There wasn't any angry French wafting from the window seat, and there was no sound of Oliver’s stilted, accented English either – all of which had occupied Logan’s hospital room since her fiancée arrived the day before.

“You can come on in, Ace.” Logan leaned forward, her blonde hair tumbling over her shoulder and brushing her softly-smiling, halfway-smirking face. “I know you’re hovering near the door. I can smell the coffee and onion rings from here.”

Rory’s responding laugh was small and quiet and watery as he walked all the way into the room, stopping just in front of Logan’s bed. He tried to pretend that his stomach didn’t flip when he saw Logan holding little Lori, the newest Gilmore girl. He tried to pretend it didn’t hurt to see such a domestic scene ( _a scene, he had to admit, he’d imagined more than once over the years_ ) with the woman he’d so loved for so long and the little girl who was slowly but surely taking over his world. “Sorry. Does the smell bother you?”

“No. I’m pretty sure the whole ‘weak stomach, throw up at everything that’s not pickles’ phase left when the kid did.”

“Yeah, that… that makes sense.”

Things got quiet between them, just like they’d been for the majority of the last eight months. Logan drew in a deep breath and let it out again, all shuddering and watery eyes. That hurt to see, too. She smoothed back their daughter’s dark hair, brushing her thumb over Lori’s soft forehead.

“She’s going to look like you,” Logan surmised, that same sadly-pensive smile she always wore plastered onto her rosy lips.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Rory shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to blink away his own mistiness. “I think she’s got your nose… Though I also think it’s pretty stupid to say who babies look like when they’re still all squishy and red and alien-esque, you know? Like, it’s a bit premature.” He started rambling and babbling when she started to stand up. She was already dressed, and her shoes were already on: she was about to leave, and Rory was terrified and breaking all over again. “I know it’s tradition, but so was witch-ducking interesting and unmarried women, and hand-building a house for your wife before the wedding, and only educating boys in school, though I’m sure they were harder to teach – most boys are, right? My experience is pretty limited to myself and Lane and London, and I’m pretty sure we weren't the most _typical_ schoolboys in our day, and—”

“Ace.”

Logan’s soft voice was still punctuated by that quintessential, all-too-familiar sad-smile. She was standing in front of him, looking the same ( _for the smallest of moments_ ) as she had the first time Rory kissed her. He thought of how they’d jumped together – they’d done so much together; not all good, but not a thing boring – at that Life and Death Brigade event, and how he just wished that they could jump again. It was selfish and stupid and immature; but _he_ was selfish and stupid and immature, if the last five years or so of his life had proven anything, and he _wanted_ Logan Huntzberger. He wanted their little girl to know her mom, and he wanted to have a stable, wonderful family for Lori.

_And for myself. Look at that: selfish again. Selfish to the end._

Logan placed Lori in Rory’s arms. The kid never stirred, still sleeping soundly and beautifully in her blanket. Rory raised his gaze and met Logan’s. He blinked, and he was really and truly crying.

“Logan—”

“Don’t,” Logan interrupted, and she was crying, too, in the only real way Rory had ever seen her cry: beautifully, _barely_ , and bravely. “I don’t want this to end pitifully, Ace. Let’s not do that. That’s not us.” She cupped his cheek, and he leaned into her touch. “Let’s just let it end.”

“It’s supposed to, right? That’s... That's what I said, isn’t it?” He was having trouble remembering anything sensible or stable right now.

Logan nodded. “You’re always having to be my head, you know that, Gilmore?” Rory just bit his lip. He couldn’t be anybody’s head – he couldn’t even be his _own_ head. “You deserve better.”

That seemed to come out of nowhere. Rory looked up and followed Logan’s gaze behind him, through the slightly-cracked door. A head of short, messy black curls, barely brushing the shoulders of a plaid shirt waited outside. The sneakered foot, attached to the dark jeans and bobbing head, tapped against the hospital linoleum.

_Jess._ She hadn’t left him, except for coffee, since he’d gotten the call about labor from Logan. They’d been together, Rory and Jess, burrowed into a corner of Luke’s old apartment ( _it doubled as a halfway-house for both authors for the time being, but it would always be Luke’s place to both of the thirty-somethings who’d at least always halfway called it home_ ) working on Rory’s book edits, when the phone buzzed. Rory had panicked, and Jess had calmly grabbed Rory's jacket and her car keys and a bag of donuts from the diner. She hadn’t mentioned when she’d be going back to Philadelphia. Rory hoped she wouldn’t.

“She’ll take care of you, Ace. She’ll take care of both of you,” Logan continued, her voice wavering for the first time. Then she let out a little laugh. “Don’t look so surprised. I can be decent sometimes, you know.”

“That’s—that’s not what I—”

“And I do want you to be happy.” She turned away and picked up her purse. Her blue eyes were all concern and, as she’d said, _decency_. “You’re… you’re going to be happy. Both of you. Yeah?”

When it was all said and done, Logan Huntzberger wasn’t a good person – she’d never been one. But she wasn’t a bad person either. She was… something else entirely.

_She’s always been something else entirely._

“Yeah,” Rory answered. “Yeah. We’ll… be happy.”

_You can call and check on us sometimes_ , he wanted to say. _You can come and visit and make sure we’re happy. This doesn’t have to be the last time you see us. Please don’t let it be the last time you see us._

But he didn’t say any of that. He just… couldn’t. It didn’t seem right to say. They didn’t seem like things to _beg_ someone to do for their kid and the father of their child. And if it didn’t seem _right_ , Rory couldn’t do it. He wanted to do this ( _everything_ ) the _right way_ from now on – even this thing that sucked and ached and hurt like hell and scared him shitless.

“Goodbye, Rory.”

And then she was gone. Logan was gone, just like she was gone that day after graduation. She’d probably float back into his life eventually ( _she always seemed to_ ) but she wouldn't stay. Neither of them could seem to stay, and Rory was never more sorry than now. 

“But that’s just the way it’s gonna be, kid,” he murmured thickly to Lori.

And it almost felt _right_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's barely any jess, but there's a LOGAN! and there's the first mention of LONDON (male!paris) and LANE (who is a boy, but keeps the same name, HOLLA). 
> 
> p.s. i don't like logan, so this might be OOC for him/her (whoops). but i feel pretty good about it, since i wrote it super fast and super feelsy.

**Author's Note:**

> another installment of the rule!63 literati world. let me know what ya'll think of this quickie bit of feels as i dive into the multi-chapter world of literati parenting!


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